No one can cause us psychological pain
Let us look at the idea that no one can cause us psychological pain, starting with some reflections.
Can you recall an incident when someone said something to you that you experienced as painful, either a small slight or an insult?
What is your reaction: Irritation; indignation; self-justification; full blown anger? Were you aware the hurt you felt? Or did you quickly pass over that to anger? Was it only afterward that you felt the hurt?
What did it lead to? An angry exchange? A long hostile relationship? Slander?
Has anyone ever attacked you physically, perhaps as mild as a shove in a queue? Or has someone in a rush pushed you out of the way? Maybe someone has hit you or thumped you on the nose? What was your reaction? Was there any different from the above but simply more intense? Was there a desire for revenge?
Can you recall an incident when you said something cruel to someone. Just a quip but it was meant to sting. How did you feel immediately afterward? Satisfied? Well-pleased? A job well done?
Were you aware of any anxiety or fear that they would try to get their own back?
Suppose now that the person you hurt expresses how hurt they feel so that you are moved to realize that you did actually hurt them. What is your reaction? Will you still justify what you did? Or do you feel embarrassment? Shame? Guilt? Remorse? Do you apologize? Do you offer some small compensation?
If you apologize, how do you feel? Relieved? Still feel guilty?
Can you recall an incident when you physically hurt someone? It may have been as mild as a push. Or worse perhaps you smacked a child in anger. How do you fee? Much the same as above or more so?
Where do you think these reactions of hurt anger and revenge originate? A seed needs good soil, water and sun to grow, yet the primary reason for its existence is in the germ of the seed. What is the primary cause of these reactions? Is it you? "I make myself angry". Or the other? "You make me angry". Or a combination of both?
Can you recall an incident when someone said something to you that you experienced as painful, either a small slight or an insult?
What is your reaction: Irritation; indignation; self-justification; full blown anger? Were you aware the hurt you felt? Or did you quickly pass over that to anger? Was it only afterward that you felt the hurt?
What did it lead to? An angry exchange? A long hostile relationship? Slander?
Has anyone ever attacked you physically, perhaps as mild as a shove in a queue? Or has someone in a rush pushed you out of the way? Maybe someone has hit you or thumped you on the nose? What was your reaction? Was there any different from the above but simply more intense? Was there a desire for revenge?
Can you recall an incident when you said something cruel to someone. Just a quip but it was meant to sting. How did you feel immediately afterward? Satisfied? Well-pleased? A job well done?
Were you aware of any anxiety or fear that they would try to get their own back?
Suppose now that the person you hurt expresses how hurt they feel so that you are moved to realize that you did actually hurt them. What is your reaction? Will you still justify what you did? Or do you feel embarrassment? Shame? Guilt? Remorse? Do you apologize? Do you offer some small compensation?
If you apologize, how do you feel? Relieved? Still feel guilty?
Can you recall an incident when you physically hurt someone? It may have been as mild as a push. Or worse perhaps you smacked a child in anger. How do you fee? Much the same as above or more so?
Where do you think these reactions of hurt anger and revenge originate? A seed needs good soil, water and sun to grow, yet the primary reason for its existence is in the germ of the seed. What is the primary cause of these reactions? Is it you? "I make myself angry". Or the other? "You make me angry". Or a combination of both?
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